Dave Barry's Financial Secrets: Like: Why is there a giant eyeball?

Price: $24.95 - $11.62
(as of Aug 08, 2024 17:34:53 UTC – Details)

Have you ever wanted to really understand money? Well, Dave Barry wishes he did too. But that hasn't stopped him from writing this book. In it, Dave explores (as only he can) topics such as:

• How the US economy works, including the often-overlooked role of Adam Sandler
• Why it's not a good idea to use squirrels to make money
• Strategies that will give you the confidence you need to try to get a good job, even if you are, let's be honest, a talentless loser.
• How corporate executives, simply by entering their offices, immediately become much more stupid
• An absolutely foolproof system for making money in the stock market, requiring only a little effort (and access to time travel)
• Foolproof tips for buying and selling real estate, the key is: never buy (or, in fact, sell) real estate.
• How to minimize your federal taxes, safely and legally, by cheating
• Why good colleges cost so much and how to make sure your child doesn't get into one
• How to reduce the cost of your health care by basically getting no treatment at all
• Estate planning, especially the financial benefits of an early death
• And many, many photographs by Suze Orman

But that's just the beginning. Dave has also included in this book all the important points from a book written by Donald Trump, so you don't have to read it yourself. Plus, he explains how to tip, how to negotiate everything (including bridge tolls), how to argue with your spouse about money, and how much money you should give your kids (three dollars is plenty). He also presents, for the first time in print anywhere, the Car Dealers Code of Ethics (“Ethics Seven: The Customer is an Asshole”). Plus, there are plenty of gratuitous references to Angelina Jolie naked. You can't afford not to buy this book! You'll probably need several copies.

What is your current financial situation? This scientific quiz will show you.

Be honest in your answers – if you lie, you are lying to yourself! The place to lie is on your federal tax return.

What is your annual income?
1. More than $50,000.
2. Less than $50,000.
3. Whatever you get when you return these empty containers.

Not counting your mortgage, how much money do you currently owe?
1. Less than $10,000.
2. More than $10,000.
3. Men threaten to cut off my thumbs.

How would you describe your portfolio?
1. Conservative, mainly blue-chip bonds and stocks.
2. Aggressive, mainly speculative options and stocks.
3. My what?

When analyzing an investment, what do you consider to be the most important factor?
1. The amount of the refund.
2. The degree of risk.
3. The name of the jockey.

How do you plan to finance your retirement?
1. Savings.
2. Social security.
3. Sale of kidneys.

—from the Introduction: “Why you need this book”

Also available as an eBook from Crown.

Publisher: Crown Publishers (January 17, 2006)
Language ‏ : ‎ English
Hardcover ‏ : ‎ 230 pages
ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1400047587
ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1400047581
Item Weight: 1 lb
Dimensions: 6 x 1 x 8.75 inches